When we face a troublesome student (or a challenging co-worker or troubling boss), we often find ourselves thinking in conflict terms. Perhaps they mean to incite conflict. Maybe they are carrying on aggressiont theater. Maybe they are merely challenging. Whatever the situation, if we will resist the temptation to see this as a fight and instead see it as a love challenge, we will have boosted our probability of success.
Love, in this case, is not syruppy, rose colored glasses. We mean agape here, and not eros, surely either. In this case, we mean keeping the good of the other person in mind. In this way one can more easily achieve win-wins. But to use that language only gets part of the way down the road. We are not aiming for compromise, some win and some lose for all. Rather, we are aiming for Kingdom -- highest good for all.
Sister Sharon, be reasonable. No. I am. For instance, this term I have been struggling with a very challenging student. It is too soon to tell you the details. It came to formal discipline time. In the preparation, though, I prayed for guidance, and looked for good resolutions. Had it been my intention simply to punish him, I surely would have had the opportunity. Had it been my intention simply to win, I probably would have, but not without a large fight. But as my intention was to help, and to continue to teach even in this situation -- and not the academic discipline only, but also the social and cognitive skills generally needed in academia, I was able to find a solution that satisfied everyone and helped the student continue in the path of learning, achievement and personal growth.
It was a much better feeling than the fear and angst of fight.
The servant of the Lord must not strive, but patiently teach and gently correct. There is still more in that passage in 2 Timothy 2.
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