Fruits or Flakes: "By their fruits you shall know them"

Sometimes you need to know who you are talking to rather quickly. Here are some helps.

Be very quiet and watch, especially right at first. You will notice that what people do when you first meet them often is their pattern. Right at first they have not sized you up and so are not putting on a show, a false front, or even lie/trap scenario. People often put on false front until they have “sold you” on themselves or on whatever. After that, they revert to pattern. In fact, they will probably do more of it in a bigger way. So be quiet and watch the first thing.

Look for motive. For instance, are they talking to show off or to help someone? Are they trying to trap you into partisan ship or unmask for you your bondage? Are they aiming a joy and peace and rigtheousness -- or just self-rigtheousness?

Also watch the conversation behavior pattern. Often in a group a young believer will assume that the one who is talking the most is the most knowledgeable. However, with people whom you know, you do know that this is often not the case. The wisest person in the group may be saying the least. The wisest person often waits to say an apt word. You also know that often people don't listen to the wisest person. Haven't you seen the professor say nothing when at a table full of amatuers talking about his subject? Haven't you been to a party and seen the concert pianist be the least likely to sit down at the piano? Doesn't grandpa just smile in amusement at the group of youngsters, and maybe encourage one or not, but generally not try to be a big part of their conversation? In informal conversation, often it is NOT the one who knows the most who is doing the most talking, but rather the one who knows the least.

There are other behavior patterns to watch for. Look for the wise one.
1) The one who listens to others rather than merely show-boats.
2) Says only or mostly wise things. If a person strongly asserts some things that are not correct and you know them to be by definition impossible or not according to true facts you know, then you must watch carefully other information they give you. (Here, however, you have to be careful that you don't rule out of court things that are merely surprising or contrary to what you know. To deal with this you can ask, “How do you know?”)
3) Considers what others say, even if they know better. Know it alls an show boats won't learn. Wise people, by contrast, have a habit of learning many new things.
4) Is respectful and works at harmony. Immature people and those into self-aggrandizement seldom work at harmony and encouragement. Wise people will not overlook the expertise of others, while others with little knowledge, will not notice it since they are too busy showing off. Look specifically at lack of respect. Even those who do fake concern will betray their lack of respect.
5) When challenged, do not bow up and act badly. A wise person when challenged will consider, may disagree, and in some cases may call the challenger on some bad behavior, but will do it in concern for the challenger or for the group, rather than in self-protection.
6) Will be able to say something with correct words, and ideally in a simple way, even though they know technical details.
7) Who sees the bigger picture (probably because they have been considering the topic longer or from more angles) rather than having only a brand new brand to push.
8) Will be careful to keep the main point the main point. For instance, in a conversation about healing, the one who talks about Jesus rather than the one who talks about some minister, may have more real knowledge.

Here are some examples of lack of respect.
Hurtful comments, even if passed off as jokes.
Touching in any way that is not in an already established intimate relationship or as a symbol of real support and sympathy. For instance, touching anyone saying, “Well bless your heart” is disrespectful. Someone you just met touching you is probably disrespectful in any case. Patting you a lot in such a case maybe be an indication of a hitter. Someone touching someone who is socially superior to them is either extreme disrespect or a sexual come on.
Ridiculing a position.
Ignoring an argument may not be lack of respect for the person, as it may be an attempt at harmony, but it is probably lack of respect for the idea and may be for the person.
A canned train of questions structured to lead into some trap.
Turning one's back when expected to converse. In American culture, this is the right of someone being accosted by someone they do not know, but in the middle of a conversation, if one wants to leave, they make exit remarks.
Fake smile too quickly turned to look of disdain as one turns away.
Haughty looks may be disrespect or may be just how one looks, but it is not within the culture of the Kingdom.


Followers of Jesus show respect, meaning civility and kindness, to everyone. A full exposition of this is in Bevere's book, Honor. Honor all men. Unfortunately our culture and most of the church with it is forgotten this direction from God. Many who have studied some doctrine think they are superior and therefore show disdain. People who have studied a great deal, by contrast, having been faced with the strengths of many systems, have been led to humility. Some who have tasted Holy Spirit manifestations think that they are superior to others and, to our great shame, then act disrespectfully to others. This is a good way to find yourself out of the Spirit and into false doctrine. Unfortunately, there are many such options today. Take heed to yourselves, lest thinking you stand, you fall.

I hope it helps.